New Earth Wisdom

Nayah Shanti was a wild spirit. She felt connected to everyone and everything.

However, it wasn’t long before her Father told her that her movements were clumsy, silly and dumb. So she became more controlled.

Nayah was praised for being beautiful and a daughter, but she received the most praise when she took on the emotions of her parents and those around her. Her little body would feel like a sponge that would absorb and then she would slowly release the pain her parents chose not to felt, often pouring hours into watching her cry or squirm so they could feel better. Not once did they cry or apologize to Nayah, although her Father tried but always reverted back to needing so much.

Nayah never got the chance to feel her own feelings, so she stuffed them down by playing a game called “Animal Parade”. All her many stuffed animals sat in a line as she moved them one by one over an Inch. The one at the beginning of the line went to the end, meaning the line went nowhere. Nayah even played with disenchantment. As her spirit went so far away, she became uninterested in most play at all.

Nayah was so exhausted by fifth grade. She had stayed up late every night to referee the fights that were ongoing and assure both parents they were okay as she listened to everyone’s needs.

Nayah stopped talking almost completely for years. She learned to meditate and study the weather patterns in the house so she could know when storms were coming.

Her Father had storms of drunken anger that were violent and the rage was everywhere. However, Nayah’s mother had done something even more intrusive by installing something within her when young where she had to agree. If she even glanced at her Father during a disagreement, her Mother would withdraw her love and it felt like the Sun had turned away from Nayah. She would cry for days or even weeks, begging her mother to please love her again and hearing “no” so often she believed she, herself, was unlovable.

Once her Father was drunk and asleep on top of a plant he had broken and her mother was locked in a closet, scribbling on a notepad back and forth. Her eyes were blank and she wouldn’t drink water for three days, but Nayah layed by her side. In these instances she was not allowed to remember, for if she brought up something like this her mother would call her a liar.

So Nayah forgot about the abuse and neglect, and she listened to her mother tell stories that were untrue over them as they got buried so deep into her subconscious that every quiet moment became another uncertain Hell. Nayah would often gaze at her door when she was alone awaiting the Devil himself, which represented any form of chaos or torture she was to endure that night.

She didn’t understand how she hadn’t succeeded at Honors Chorus. The Story was it was her decision, but her mother had not wanted to drive her all that way. The same was true when Nayah was prompted to be in a Leadership Training Institute. “You would be with the kids who are made fun of, I won’t have it”, her mother had said.

She tried to go to college. Her mother was wealthy and supported her up until a point when she was truly succeeding, saying she had spent the money on Nayah’s car. Nayah, confused, thought the car was a gift for good grades.

Nayah got so very sick, with pains all over her body and couldn’t walk for years. Her mother and father called her weak, sick, and incapable. This went on as she had children and she could never get away.

She got well enough to do a training of unlearning. However, when her mother saw that it affected her supply of Nayah’s emotions, she cut off the funding. The weird thing was, Nayah should have had money, but it was being controlled, as was her ability to succeed. The biggest torture was how she felt she had almost succeeded before the rug was ripped out from below. And, she always blamed herself, as the stories would go.

Nayah had done so much giving that she had never learned how to receive. The Giving Tree had broken.

Nayah started to have dreams and visions that told her to move away from her parents. She started to see invisible shadows and movements within them that gave her information about their intentions. She was finally seeing the truth, and it was hard to bear.

The last time Nayah saw her mother threats were made, emotional strings were pulled, and Nayah remained in the center of it all unaffected and unbroken.

What appeared in place of the giving tree was bamboo- flexible, but strong. She moved away from her parents and found that she was finally not constantly in need to be everyone’s therapist or supply of emotion. The need continued as she looked for others she felt she should give to before herself, but then another illness almost consumed her.

The illness was like the death of the Phoenix. She arose with a center, a wholeness, and a willingness to live her own life.

Nayah found parts of herself and continued on to discover a person who had been so hidden by the shadows of others that a revival was in order. It took some time, but Nayah found life back in her heart. It was a life that was just hers, and could not be taken away this time. This kind of freedom was priceless.

The Giving Tree healed in an odd way. Nayah had changed, sure, but she had never truly received. One day she fell in love in a way that felt tied to the Universe and someone gave her the gift of receiving where she wasn’t in trouble or it wasn’t code for something else. He just… gave.

He wasn’t the only one who gave to Nayah as she learned to receive. It was just a huge example of what one does for others when the heart is open, as hers had always remained.

And Nayah cried and looked for all the ways that something was off until she felt it settle into the back of her heart with a warmth that spread throughout her and showed her the warmth she had so often given to others.

Nayah fully became flexible bamboo- the kind that is flexible for the right reason, person, and always for a reason of heart and integrity.

She released her past lovingly, along with the things that had brought her to this season of growth and blessing.

May all be blessed, may all be well ❤ May all be free to find individuation on their own terms ❤